no inhibitions

What I wouldn't give to go back in time and change whatever it was that makes me so shy/embarrassed/prudish/not able to do things like this...dance in the middle of a crowd by myself with everyone watching.

The thing is that even though this little girl is rockin' out by herself, no one is looking at her and judging her.  Instead, they nod their head with approval and think to themselves "Wow!  She must really be enjoying herself." And you know what...I bet she is!

freedom

Today and tomorrow are my last two week days of freedom until holiday break, December 24, 2011.  Decided to spend today relaxing at my friend Jamie's* pool.  Here is the view...

*a.k.a. Luke's pool

*3 of 365

inspired

This past weekend I was in awe...in complete awe of the 45,000 runners from all over the world who chose Chicago as their location to run 26.2 miles (a.k.a. the Chicago Marathon).


Here are some of the most memorable parts of viewing my 6th Chicago Marathon.


*Standing at Mile 1 of the 26.2 mile race to watch...

     -the wheel chair athletes

     -the set up of the official race clock

     -the official start of the marathon with police motorcycles and pace cars

*Watching the elite runners race by mile 1 4:30 seconds after the race started.

*Cheering on my friend Thomas at 5 different beautiful Chicago locations

*Runners helping each other finish the race (check the middle of the photo...the guy in yellow is being helped by the lady in white)

*Carnival acts...juggling and costumes!

*Behind the photos of the ever popular Marathon Photo guys who happen to be at EVERY race.  Smile at mile 21!

10.10.10 was a great day!  Congratulations to all of the runners who trained for weeks and weeks and gave it their 100% best.  You have all inspired and motivated me to want to be a better person.  There were certain moments during the race where I almost teared up a little and other times in the race where I realized that I can no longer say that I can't do something.  Oh yeah...and a shout out to Thomas who raced the marathon in 3:26:and change :)

25th hour of the day

constant busy work

diligent, active...weekend

alas, fresh breath, ah

Still waiting for that 25th hour to get it all done...

not a princess

As hard as it is to believe...today I realized that I am, in fact, not a Disney princess.

While heading outside to turn off the lawn soaker in the front part of Kevin's "lawn," I noticed about 10 little sparrows playing in the water. After watching them frolic in the water for a few minutes, it was time to turn off the water and carry on.

Making my way back to the lawn soaker created puddle...the little sparrows flew away. Remembering that all Snow White or Cinderella had to do to get her little friends back was sing, I tried it. It did not work :( That is the moment I realized that I am, in fact, not a Disney princess.

failed

Diet Trials (Flat Belly Diet) lasted for about 1.5 days...barely. If I have to eat...no, rather look at, another grape tomato I might vomit a little. For lunch on the first and second days of the Flat Belly one is supposed to consume 1 pint of grape tomatoes...1PINT! For those who aren't quite sure how much that actually is...it's one container from the grocery store...a whole container.


The other reason the Flat Belly didn't work very well, for me, is because we went to DC for the weekend. My plan was to stay on FB Diet for all of Friday but I didn't quite calculate airport food into the situation...next time.


Now DC on the other hand...AMAZING! The weather was beautiful and my family was quite full of surprises. Not necessarily the surprises like "We're pregnant" or "We just bought a new house" more so their surprising comments like "You have to marry my cousin." Hmmm...I hope the bf isn't shy and knows that wine was involved ;)


All in all the trip was pretty amazing. 9 mile run Saturday morning followed by a stroll around Georgetown, drinks at the top of the W overlooking the White House and the National Mall, followed by dinner at PS7 which is ranked in DCs Top 100 and an amazing set of desserts at Hook by the soon to be famous Heather...and that was all on Saturday. Sunday included brunch at my aunts on Capitol Hill, a walk to and around Eastern Market then DuPont, and complete with a trip to Red, White and Bleu (Adam's wine and cheese shop) just in time to finish the bottles from a tasting!


Great trip for sure...even if it didn't include a diet. Guess I'll just have to try again...

two pounds per inch

A little before this past holiday season, I had an interesting conversation with a couple of my guy friends. We were discussing, in depth, the appropriate weight of a girl.

At first it was as simple as "she has to weigh less than me" but then turned into a complex theory...we'll call this theory Thomas's Law.

According to Thomas's Law a girl...excuse me...a datable girl must be no more than two pounds per inch tall. For instance, I am 5'7" or 67" tall. In order for me to find my datable weight I would take 67 x 2 (for the 2lbs/in). The most I could weigh at my datable weight would be 134lbs.

Humph...who are we kidding...I might have been that weight at the beginning of high school but after I learned about how much I loved sports (tennis, soccer, gymnastics, cheerleading) I quickly put much muscle mass onto my frame. Since then, with the exception of the freshman 10-15 in college, I have dabbled in the 145-155 category...no where near the two pounds per inch rule. In fact, for my weight to be acceptable, I'm going to have to grow to be 6'2"! ;) Or...I will just have to live with being 2.2lbs/in.

After I realized the truth that I was undatable it was time for a massive reconstruction plan on my diet and exercise lifestyle. My plan was to exercise more, eat healthy, watch portion size, etc. Trouble with that...I was already doing pretty well in all of those areas. I have always worked out 3-4 times per week and I eat extremely healthy during the day and at night with the occasional cupcake and alcohol intake.

Valentine Schmalentine

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of Valentine's Day. A time to celebrate love, loved ones, lovers...however, why are we just celebrating for one day? In reality, shouldn't we be doing this all year round?

I have not always been Negative Nelly (term stolen from Girls on the Run) about Valentine's Day. In fact, before this year, I was definitely an advocate for the love fest. This year something clicked. I have officially become a nay-sayer about celebrating love on this one special day and this one special day only.

It hit me as I was headed to the gym (the gym by my school...not the closest to me...actually probably the farthest away...but the one where people have let go of their New Year's resolutions which makes it therefore, fairly empty). The way to the gym is a long straight shot down Fullerton Avenue, the street where no one carries insurance and where everyone drives like maniacs. Coming back from my tangent...Fullerton Avenue was littered by an abundance of fluffy, plush, stuffed animals; pink gorillas, white teddy bears, and red dogs as well as red roses suffocated by a barrage of baby's breath. The question that repeated itself like a strobe light every time I drove by one of these stands, which was every block, was "What grown female or male would want love in the form of baby's breath and/or a stuffed monkey?" I'm sure there are a few but enough to evoke this much junk on the side of the street!?! Yes, cute to give to a child to celebrate a day of love. No, not cute to give to an adult.

Which brings me to my next question or rather point...the dinner. Question: What do adults to do on Valentine's Day if the stuffed animals are overrated and out? Answer: Why, go to dinner of course! Dinner at a fancy restaurant...usually a step or two above the norm. Example: If White Castle is where you take your dates, you might end up at Applebee's. If Long John Silver's if your norm, Red Lobster would be your upgrade. If a couple happens to be going to a restaurant where reservations are needed, make sure to call ahead...somewhere around the two week mark ahead. This will ensure your place at a pre-packaged, overly packed, usually fantastic place. Not only will the couple not get the best the restaurant has to offer but they will most likely not even get a choice of menu item. On top of all of that wonderfulness, a ton of expectations are laid like a blanket on the couple the second they walk through the door...sometimes even before they walk through the door...such as a photographer waiting patiently outside to capture the awkward Valentine's Day for all couples. What would normally be considered a great date at a great restaurant has now conveniently turned into awkward conversation and hopes for the future over an overpriced meal.

chuck realization

Didn't think too much about dinner and drinks with an ex last week, I stay friends with almost all of my exes...I guess I'm just that girl. I knew that my ex was still dating the girl he met right after we broke up (um about 2.5 years ago) and I assumed he was planning on telling me they lived together.

After about an hour long conversation...just catching up here's how the conversation went:


A-So are you living with new girlfriend now?

C-Oh yeah, it's been a while.

A-Wow, that's great! I will forever live with a boyfriend before marriage chuckle under breath

C-Yeah, marriage. Did I tell you that my brother and his longtime girlfriend are getting married?

A-Actually you did mention that...that's amazing, she is such a great girl.

C-They are getting married next June when she graduates from Vet school.

A-And you? You have been with your girl now for, what is it now, 2.5 years? Are you engaged yet?

C-Oh, haha, yeah.

A-big smile Really!?! That's awesome! When are you getting married?

C-Two weeks, October 10...

A-did not hear anything for about 5 minutes after that because the shock had set in...

C-I'm surprised mutual friend didn't tell you...

A-I guess it wasn't on her priority list...she does have two small ones now and you're not the center of her world


This was all the confirmation I needed to know and believe that I am officially "Good Luck Chuck" but for guys. Almost every boyfriend that I have had since sophomore year of college and one even before that have married the girl they dated after me...well, the ones that believe in marriage anyway.

Yep...went through the list again...still true.

With that being said...the streak stops now! From this point forward, I will no longer be "Good Luck Chuck." Instead, roles will be reversed and I am passing the torch to the last guy I dated and no, we are actually not friends...which is why this works really well...he will now be Good Luck Chuck...mwahahaha

If you would like to join me...I am getting together with a group of friends on this wonderful day of October 10...downtown Chicago...to celebrate the passing of the torch. Good-bye Good Luck Chuck status...bring on the Mrs. degree. :)

what if...

Again with Memoirs of a Geisha...


From this experience I understood the danger of focusing my life on what isn't there. What if I came to the end of my life and realized that I'd spent every day watching for a man who would never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realize I'd never really tasted the things I'd eaten, or seen the places I'd been, because I'd thought of nothing but the Chairman even while my life was drifting away from me. And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had practiced since childhood for a performance she would never give.


It seems that a lot of the time we are waiting for things to happen. Everything from waiting to go to the gym, waiting until Friday night, waiting until the next paycheck, waiting for...well, you name it...we are always waiting for something. I'm using this passage as a little reminder...mainly to myself...to stop waiting for whatever it is I am waiting for and to experience life now...as it comes...no matter what. Time to stop worrying about what might happen...about the what ifs. No one needs the what ifs. They are what ifs because it didn't happen.

an en

An en is a karmic bond lasting a lifetime. Nowadays many people seem to believe their lives are entirely a matter of choice; but in my day we viewed ourselves as pieces of clay that forever show the fingerprints of everyone who has touched them. Nobu's touch had made a deeper impression on me than most. No one had always sensed the en between us. Somewhere in the landscape of my life Nobu would always be present. But could it really be that of all the lessons I'd learned, the hardest one lay just ahead of me? Would I really have to take each of my hopes and put them away where no one would ever see them again, where not even I would ever see them?


I am currently reading...eh em...listening to Memoirs of a Geisha and have found quite a few of Sayuri's views of life to be touching, thought provoking, and well...meaningful. Take the passage above for example. We always hear, and many of us use, the cliche of being touched by someone...in the metaphorical sense of course. But the visual of us being made of clay and that everyone we meet has placed at least a fingerprint upon us is quite powerful. Sayuri mentions that we now think that it is the choices we make that shape us...but couldn't it, very well, be a combination of the two? I have made plenty of choices in my life that have lead me to one place or another but it is the people I have met that have shaped my experiences. I would even go so far as to say that it is the people I have met who have shaped me...my personality, my future choices, my reactions to life's happenings, etc. Good or bad, I believe that the choices we make happen to be part of our destiny (another term used quite frequently in the book)...we will experience the same events and meet the same people along our given path but because of our choices, it is up to us to decide when these encounters will actually occur.

Speaking of destiny...

Neither you nor I can know your destiny. You may never know it! Destiny isn't always like a party at the end of the evening. Sometimes it's nothing more than struggling through life from day to day.
Again, it has to be our choices in life that help shape our destiny...maybe we won't always get the party...and what if it is a daily struggle?...but that just means we need to slightly change or rather make more careful decisions regarding our choices. On the other hand...sometimes the careful decisions are what's creating life's little difficulties. In that respect, maybe it is good to make decisions in a fly by the seat of your pants mode every once in a while...keep destiny on her toes :)

Back to the first passage where Sayuri mentions hope...
Would I really have to take each of my hopes and put them away where no one would ever see them again, where not even I would ever see them?
In life, I don't think it is ever about hiding your hopes but instead...as said by Dave Matthews in the song Ants Marching...Take these chances, place them in a box until a quieter time, lights down you up and die. It is your responsibility to remember your hopes and to bring them out of hiding when the chance presents itself. If it looks like the time will not come...make the time happen by changing your choices and therefore rerouting your destiny. It is only if you have forgotten your hopes and keep them locked away in a secret place that they will ever become lost.

a little of this and that

On my quest/search for my perfect match, I have come to realize that Mr. Whomever-He-Might-Be has got some pretty big shoes to fill. Not because my past boyfriends have been so extremely wonderful...there is a reason they carry the ex title...but because I see such wonderfulness in my friends boyfriends, fiancés, and husbands. Please don't take this the wrong way, the men in my friends' lives are perfect fits for each of my friends...not me...however, each one of these men have qualities that I am wishing to find in my Mr. Right.


Like in the movie Practical Magic I wish I could take a little bit of this and a little bit of that from each of my friends' perfect partners to make mine.


Young Sally: He will hear my call a mile away, he will whistle my favorite song, he can ride a pony backwards-

Young Gilly: What are you doing?

Young Sally: I'm summoning up a true love spell called amas veritas, he can flip pancakes in the air, he will be marvelously kind, and his favorite shape will be a star. And he'll have one green eye, one blue.

Young Gilly: I thought you never wanted to fall in love.

Young Sally: That's the point. The guy I dreamed up doesn't exist, and if he doesn't exist, I'll never die of a broken heart.


The only difference being that I do want to fall in love...the really good kind...which reminds me of another Practical Magic quote...


Do you ever put your arms out and spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Makes your heart race, turns your world upside down. But if you're not careful, if you don't keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can't see what's happening to the people around you...you can't see that you're about to fall...


I want...a husband I can't stop kissing. Btw, my favorite about all of these quotes is that Sally Sandra Bullock does meet this man that she didn't think existed and fell head over heels in love. It will happen to me too...it's just not quite ready to happen...yet.


With that nice long intro...here are the qualities that I would like to put together to make my impossible man. Note to friends: don't worry if your boyfriend, fiancés, or husband is not mentioned...I probably forgot how amazing they are :)


...a little of this...and a little of that...


Neal-not only his incredible Cubs season tickets which he so generously allows me to purchase occasionally but his overall love for sports and ability to care about his wife's friends and his sense of humor


Ted-not afraid to take on a project or to share his hobbies with the woman he loves


Dan-wanting for nothing more than to reflect on old memories and make new...better ones


Braun-the need to have his fiancé with him in any event whether it is trying a new experience or repeating the same mundane tasks of everyday life...needing her almost like air to breathe


Adam-the ability to switch gears in a second from sports crazy maniac to gentle compassionate friend


Ben-the security of who he is which allows for his wife to be secure in herself and her decisions...the ability to be independent with someone you love


Will-his dedication and loyalty to everyone he cares about...friends, family, etc. also his inability to lie


Tony-the comfort of knowing you are everything to your wife and she is everything to you...oh yeah, and his raunchy sense of humor which turns you beet red while laughing your pants off


Kevin-sharing the love of a hobby like camping, hiking, training for a half marathon so completely with his wife that the two are essentially one


Matt-having fun at every turn, letting things roll off his back with the greatest of ease, and his patience with kids


The men in my friend's lives have made them incredibly happy. It seems that I am always building my friends up...now it's time to thank their better halves for my friends have only gotten better, more complete since these men have come into their lives. Thank you...now it's my turn :)

tomato tomato

what is maturity exactly? who decides what is mature? are there different levels of maturity depending on your age or should it be based on your experience?


after discussing this topic with some peers, they say that maturity is...


-patience


-humility


-perseverance


-confidence


-making a decision and standing by it


-making informed decisions


-direct communication (actual face to face or phone call instead of e-mail or text)


-facing challenges without complaint


-thinking about others more than yourself


-taking care of the things one is responsible for


-self-awarenss and reflection



however, as of late, I have been witness to particular situations in which grown mature adults either define maturity in different ways or have forgotten that they are/or should be practicing mature things...maturity to them could be any number of things. Maturity could be...

-throwing the clear celophane and silver wrapper of a cigarette pack on the ground and stating that someone better clean up this mess


-or-


-texting information that is essential to someone else's life such as I'm moving out and infering that texting is a clean break or a sufficient way to establish a dialogThese fantastic bouts of maturity allow me to think about myself not that hard as an only child but to also reflect on how my decisions are affecting myself and the people around me? What actually separates us from animals...relationships, empathy, memory? But within the questions, I find answers to other life follies such as why the kids of today are so extremely rude and disrespectful.

a picture

Journaling yesterday in sixth grade, students were asked:


Explain why you do or do not agree with this quotation: "A picture is worth a thousand words."


Personally, I completely agree or so I thought for potentially no other reason than the scrabble word game in which you rearrange letters of a word to see how many other words you can make. With all of the words/phrases that a picture inspires you to think or say aloud it is almost impossible for those words/phrases not to spark another set of words/phrases therefore technically allowing one picture to be worth a googolplex words. However, when you take all of those words and begin to create new words from those, the words eventually reduce to two...I and a...so then is a picture only worth two words?


On another thought wave, when I see a picture with let's say a lemon, the word lemon doesn't come to mind but rather pictorial references to other lemons I have encountered. The same thing happens when I see the color yellow...instead of clearly viewing the word yellow I tend to reference other things that are yellow. If this is the case with most everyone else, shouldn't the phrase become:


A picture is worth a thousand images?

cast in green tights

Green tights...green tights...

...the hideous kelly green running leggings that we were forced to wear all four years of high school cheerleading under our skirts if it was even remotely cold outside.

Green tights...green tights...

...the hideous kelly green running leggings that have now repurposed themselves in my running wardrobe after, do I say it, thirteen years. Now serving the purpose they were initially created for.

Green tights...green tights...

...to limp/run the 2009 Shamrock Shuffle in 1:00:39 (yes, embarrassing...but injury is my excuse) and meet up with high school friends to celebrate a mini "before the ten year reunion" hang out, dinner and wine session.

Green tights...green tights...

...my kryptonite, the essential downfall that was needed to let my body heal in order to become healthy again.

Green tights...green tights...

...currently replaced by a soft walking cast.

lyrics

dashboard confessional
as lovers go

let's just put it this way...if anyone were this passionate about me...I would fall instantly head over stilletos

She said, "I've got to be honest, You're wasting your time if you're fishin' around here." And I said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not foolin', this feelin' is real." She said, "You've gotta be crazy! What do you take me for? Some kinda of easy mark?" "You've got wits, You've got looks, You've got passion, But I swear that you've got me all wrong."


I said, "I've got to be honest, I've been waiting for you all of my life." For so long I thought I was asylum bound, But just seeing you makes me think twice. And being with you here makes me sane. I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side. "You've got wits, You've got looks, You've got passion,But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"


mrs. potter's lullaby
counting crows

very difficult for me to narrow down my favorite part(s) but I tried to keep in the lyrics that spoke the strongest to me...including visualizations

Well I woke in mid-afternoon cause that's when it all hurts the most. I dream I never know anyone at the party and I'm always the host. If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts. You can never escape, you can only move south down the coast.

Well, I am an idiot walking a tightrope of fortune and fame. I am an acrobat swinging trapezes through circles of flame. If you've never stared off in the distance, then your life is a shame. And though I'll never forget your face, sometimes i can't remember my name. favorite lyric of all time that reminds me of teaching


...And the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings. And there is always one last light to turn out and one last bell to ring. And the last one out of the circus has to lock up everything. Or the elephants will get out and forget to remember what you said. And the ghosts of the tilt-a-whirl will linger inside your head. And the ferris wheel junkies will spin there forever instead. When I see you a blanket of stars covers me in my bed.


...You can see a million miles tonight But you can't get very far. Oh, you can see a million miles tonight But you can't get very far.

getting through

Getting through what you might ask?

My list:
typing lesson plans
grading all projects
creating decorations for the book fair
entering grades
writing a teacher manipulatives book
running 8 miles (supposedly)
reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
checking summer school boxes for reading and math teacher resource books and student editions
drawing shoes
ordering summer school supplies
ordering art supplies

While working through my list yesterday...and many of these things stay on my list from day to day until I can check them off...I happened upon an amazing visual image from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close:

I hid behind a mound of earth that had been dug up to make a grave for some books, literature was the only religion her father practiced, when a book fell on the floor he kissed it, when he was done with a book he tried to give it away to someone who would love it, and if he couldn't find a worthy recipient, he buried it...

...The books had been buried, so I hid this time behind a group of trees, I imagined their roots wrapped around the books, pulling nourishment from the pages, I imagined rings of letters in their trunks...

Since the reading of this passage I just keep trying to find a way to visually represent this...a way in which to represent this without screwing it up...without making it seem/look/feel trivial. This passage sums up the way I think about, look at, react to books. This passage sums up the way my parents and family think about, look at, react to books. If only the artwork in my mind could be extracted for the enlightenment of others...but then again, isn't that what every artist wants to accomplish?

dieter not dieter

Funny since they are spelled the same but the reading goes as such (dee-ter not diet-er).

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.

Dieter. The name of my mother's family. The name of my Grammy. The name of fat, little, blond German boys in cartoons like PepperAnn. My middle name. A name of which I am forever proud...a name of which will be forever strong.

Dieter. Comfortably fitting since I believe I have tried every diet at least once. If only there were one in which the dieter (haha) would get to eat nothing but doritos, pizza and chocolate. If only I needed one...it might stick.

blogging for the sake of it

Ok...ok...ok...finally following in the footsteps of the rest of the world, I have officially started a blog. My online, for the world to see, personal diary. Exciting! As my first official blog, I have to say that the artistic side of me has taken over and I will forever be playing with and changing the colors of my blogspot page.

I am quite looking forward to sharing my life, adventures, thoughts, feelings, and stories with all. Read, enjoy, and don't forget to leave a comment if you feel moved (in one way or another :)