what if...

Again with Memoirs of a Geisha...


From this experience I understood the danger of focusing my life on what isn't there. What if I came to the end of my life and realized that I'd spent every day watching for a man who would never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realize I'd never really tasted the things I'd eaten, or seen the places I'd been, because I'd thought of nothing but the Chairman even while my life was drifting away from me. And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had practiced since childhood for a performance she would never give.


It seems that a lot of the time we are waiting for things to happen. Everything from waiting to go to the gym, waiting until Friday night, waiting until the next paycheck, waiting for...well, you name it...we are always waiting for something. I'm using this passage as a little reminder...mainly to myself...to stop waiting for whatever it is I am waiting for and to experience life now...as it comes...no matter what. Time to stop worrying about what might happen...about the what ifs. No one needs the what ifs. They are what ifs because it didn't happen.

an en

An en is a karmic bond lasting a lifetime. Nowadays many people seem to believe their lives are entirely a matter of choice; but in my day we viewed ourselves as pieces of clay that forever show the fingerprints of everyone who has touched them. Nobu's touch had made a deeper impression on me than most. No one had always sensed the en between us. Somewhere in the landscape of my life Nobu would always be present. But could it really be that of all the lessons I'd learned, the hardest one lay just ahead of me? Would I really have to take each of my hopes and put them away where no one would ever see them again, where not even I would ever see them?


I am currently reading...eh em...listening to Memoirs of a Geisha and have found quite a few of Sayuri's views of life to be touching, thought provoking, and well...meaningful. Take the passage above for example. We always hear, and many of us use, the cliche of being touched by someone...in the metaphorical sense of course. But the visual of us being made of clay and that everyone we meet has placed at least a fingerprint upon us is quite powerful. Sayuri mentions that we now think that it is the choices we make that shape us...but couldn't it, very well, be a combination of the two? I have made plenty of choices in my life that have lead me to one place or another but it is the people I have met that have shaped my experiences. I would even go so far as to say that it is the people I have met who have shaped me...my personality, my future choices, my reactions to life's happenings, etc. Good or bad, I believe that the choices we make happen to be part of our destiny (another term used quite frequently in the book)...we will experience the same events and meet the same people along our given path but because of our choices, it is up to us to decide when these encounters will actually occur.

Speaking of destiny...

Neither you nor I can know your destiny. You may never know it! Destiny isn't always like a party at the end of the evening. Sometimes it's nothing more than struggling through life from day to day.
Again, it has to be our choices in life that help shape our destiny...maybe we won't always get the party...and what if it is a daily struggle?...but that just means we need to slightly change or rather make more careful decisions regarding our choices. On the other hand...sometimes the careful decisions are what's creating life's little difficulties. In that respect, maybe it is good to make decisions in a fly by the seat of your pants mode every once in a while...keep destiny on her toes :)

Back to the first passage where Sayuri mentions hope...
Would I really have to take each of my hopes and put them away where no one would ever see them again, where not even I would ever see them?
In life, I don't think it is ever about hiding your hopes but instead...as said by Dave Matthews in the song Ants Marching...Take these chances, place them in a box until a quieter time, lights down you up and die. It is your responsibility to remember your hopes and to bring them out of hiding when the chance presents itself. If it looks like the time will not come...make the time happen by changing your choices and therefore rerouting your destiny. It is only if you have forgotten your hopes and keep them locked away in a secret place that they will ever become lost.

one...two...

three...rrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppppppp

The day my pants had a civil war and the right successfully split from the left.

Background: Friday...beautiful outside...playing around with kindergarteners before class...wearing old comfortable pants that couldn't bear to take the strain of one more squat...

Favorite kindergartener this year, Milton, jumped into my arms as soon as I walked in the door to kindergarten. Javier, refused to get up from nap...so the only logical thing to do was to fake drop Milton onto Javier...one...two...three...rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppp.

After quickly backing into the kindergarten girls bathroom, Ms. Rodriguez my hero came back with a pair of kid pants that happened to be too wide and too short. Thank goodness I was able to roll the top twice then keep the pants up with a scarf that had been draped as decoration around my neck. Some might say that I looked like I was ready for a walk down the beach. Sometimes you have to roll with the punches...laugh at yourself...then share the laughter with everyone you know!

a little of this and that

On my quest/search for my perfect match, I have come to realize that Mr. Whomever-He-Might-Be has got some pretty big shoes to fill. Not because my past boyfriends have been so extremely wonderful...there is a reason they carry the ex title...but because I see such wonderfulness in my friends boyfriends, fiancés, and husbands. Please don't take this the wrong way, the men in my friends' lives are perfect fits for each of my friends...not me...however, each one of these men have qualities that I am wishing to find in my Mr. Right.


Like in the movie Practical Magic I wish I could take a little bit of this and a little bit of that from each of my friends' perfect partners to make mine.


Young Sally: He will hear my call a mile away, he will whistle my favorite song, he can ride a pony backwards-

Young Gilly: What are you doing?

Young Sally: I'm summoning up a true love spell called amas veritas, he can flip pancakes in the air, he will be marvelously kind, and his favorite shape will be a star. And he'll have one green eye, one blue.

Young Gilly: I thought you never wanted to fall in love.

Young Sally: That's the point. The guy I dreamed up doesn't exist, and if he doesn't exist, I'll never die of a broken heart.


The only difference being that I do want to fall in love...the really good kind...which reminds me of another Practical Magic quote...


Do you ever put your arms out and spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Makes your heart race, turns your world upside down. But if you're not careful, if you don't keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can't see what's happening to the people around you...you can't see that you're about to fall...


I want...a husband I can't stop kissing. Btw, my favorite about all of these quotes is that Sally Sandra Bullock does meet this man that she didn't think existed and fell head over heels in love. It will happen to me too...it's just not quite ready to happen...yet.


With that nice long intro...here are the qualities that I would like to put together to make my impossible man. Note to friends: don't worry if your boyfriend, fiancés, or husband is not mentioned...I probably forgot how amazing they are :)


...a little of this...and a little of that...


Neal-not only his incredible Cubs season tickets which he so generously allows me to purchase occasionally but his overall love for sports and ability to care about his wife's friends and his sense of humor


Ted-not afraid to take on a project or to share his hobbies with the woman he loves


Dan-wanting for nothing more than to reflect on old memories and make new...better ones


Braun-the need to have his fiancé with him in any event whether it is trying a new experience or repeating the same mundane tasks of everyday life...needing her almost like air to breathe


Adam-the ability to switch gears in a second from sports crazy maniac to gentle compassionate friend


Ben-the security of who he is which allows for his wife to be secure in herself and her decisions...the ability to be independent with someone you love


Will-his dedication and loyalty to everyone he cares about...friends, family, etc. also his inability to lie


Tony-the comfort of knowing you are everything to your wife and she is everything to you...oh yeah, and his raunchy sense of humor which turns you beet red while laughing your pants off


Kevin-sharing the love of a hobby like camping, hiking, training for a half marathon so completely with his wife that the two are essentially one


Matt-having fun at every turn, letting things roll off his back with the greatest of ease, and his patience with kids


The men in my friend's lives have made them incredibly happy. It seems that I am always building my friends up...now it's time to thank their better halves for my friends have only gotten better, more complete since these men have come into their lives. Thank you...now it's my turn :)

tomato tomato

what is maturity exactly? who decides what is mature? are there different levels of maturity depending on your age or should it be based on your experience?


after discussing this topic with some peers, they say that maturity is...


-patience


-humility


-perseverance


-confidence


-making a decision and standing by it


-making informed decisions


-direct communication (actual face to face or phone call instead of e-mail or text)


-facing challenges without complaint


-thinking about others more than yourself


-taking care of the things one is responsible for


-self-awarenss and reflection



however, as of late, I have been witness to particular situations in which grown mature adults either define maturity in different ways or have forgotten that they are/or should be practicing mature things...maturity to them could be any number of things. Maturity could be...

-throwing the clear celophane and silver wrapper of a cigarette pack on the ground and stating that someone better clean up this mess


-or-


-texting information that is essential to someone else's life such as I'm moving out and infering that texting is a clean break or a sufficient way to establish a dialogThese fantastic bouts of maturity allow me to think about myself not that hard as an only child but to also reflect on how my decisions are affecting myself and the people around me? What actually separates us from animals...relationships, empathy, memory? But within the questions, I find answers to other life follies such as why the kids of today are so extremely rude and disrespectful.

shoes...the latest

if you're interested...here are my newest pieces...you think I would have done more with a week off...

one last hurrah

what would the last day before spring break be if...


high school students didn't come back to play basketball in the gym for the last hour until school lets out for the day


7th grade behaves themselves for once and actually get involved in their art projects


exhaustion and overeating overcome everyone at lunch


and Edgar in first grade telling the class that dad has hair on his butt?


Take time to enjoy the moment. Take time to enjoy the second, the minute, the hour, the day, the night. Just take the time.